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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25492063">just fine</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidnightmares/pseuds/lucidnightmares'>lucidnightmares</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Anorexia, Denial, Depressing, Eating Disorders, Gen, POV Second Person, Sadstuck, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Short, eridan is mentioned but only once so hes not getting tagged, same with terezi nepeta equius and dave, slight vent?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:20:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,307</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25492063</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidnightmares/pseuds/lucidnightmares</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Sollux Captor, and you haven't eaten in 2 months.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mituna Captor &amp; Sollux Captor, Mituna Captor/Latula Pyrope (mentioned), Sollux Captor &amp; Aradia Megido, Sollux Captor &amp; Kanaya Maryam, Sollux Captor &amp; Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>just fine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Your name is Sollux Captor, and you haven’t eaten in 2 months.</p><p>It started out with skipping a meal or two here and there, because you wanted to lose weight (nobody understood that, you’re practically skin and bones), and it wasn’t a big deal to anyone, or you, because it was just a few meals every so often.</p><p>Then, you just stopped eating any meals. You don’t recall exactly when the escalation happened, really, but now it’s there. You don’t really consider it that bad, because people do this all the time. Kanaya mentions that she used to skip supper occasionally, and of course it was just supper, and of course it was just occasionally, and of course it's nowhere near how much or how long you haven’t been eating, but it’s just a couple of meals. You can afford to lose the weight, anyway. It doesn’t matter, you assure yourself.</p><p>People don’t notice. When Nepeta asks if you wanna go to some burger joint with her and Equius, you decline, saying you already had lunch today, and though you feel bad for lying to her and Equius, you can’t eat. You have to lose this weight.</p><p>When Dave asks if you wanna go to IHOP (some human restaurant or whatever that has pancakes, you’ve never been, obviously) to just go ‘experience it’, you decline, and tell him you’re not hungry. You feel bad for lying to him as well, especially since he was just trying to have a good time and show a friend a new place, but you can’t eat right now. Not until you lose a couple pounds.</p><p>When Karkat asks if you have the time to go eat with him and Terezi at McDonalds (once again, it’s a human place, and you’ve never been, but they have, apparently), you say that you’re busy, even though you’re not. And you feel even worse for lying to him and Terezi, because he’s your closest friend and she’s your literal moirail, but you don’t think you can eat right now. You’ll make up for it when your ‘diet’ is over, you internally assure yourself.</p><p>You know this isn’t exactly healthy, but it’s what you have to do. It’s just food, too. Just food, you tell yourself. It doesn’t matter.</p><p>One day, Kanaya approached you about it. She asks about it, tells you that she hasn’t seen you eat in 4 weeks, but what does she know, anyway? She always acts like she’s your mom, or something. But she doesn’t really care. It’s in her blood color to act like that, you tell yourself.</p><p>Mituna tries asking you about it. Keyword; tries. Latula is there too, for support, she says.(yeah, support of him trying to walk and talk) But it doesn’t matter, because what do either of them know? Mituna’s brain is fried to hell and back, and as much as you care about and love him, he couldn’t tell you from himself. And you barely know Latula, at least not personally, really. You know she has no sense of smell (which you find really ironic, given her sister being Terezi), and that she likes ‘radical’ things, and that she skates a lot, but that’s it. She doesn’t know you. She’s not your friend. And while Mituna may be your brother, he doesn’t know shit.</p><p>Karkat is the next one to try and talk to you about it. He says that he and everybody else hasn’t seen you eat in a literal month, and ‘THAT SHIT IS CONCERNING.’ You just shrug at him and tell him you’re on a diet, and that he shouldn’t worry about you so much. He blinks at you once, then twice, and for a moment it looks like he wants to argue with you, but he doesn’t. He just says he’ll see you later, and then walks off. You scoff at his attempt to ‘help’ you. What does he know? He’s just some guy with anger issues whose only thing he doesn’t hate is rom-coms. He doesn’t even care about you. He’s made that clear enough.</p><p>People stop asking, but you know they’re keeping a close eye on you. You notice that Gamzee is offering you food, to ‘cUrE yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiN mUnChIeS’ he says, though you don’t have any munchies, because you’re not high on sopor slime 24/7 like he is. And you know that he’s concerned, but he’s just some stoner. He has no idea what you need to do to lose weight, because he’s never had a problem with it, like you do.</p><p>Then, finally, fairly recently, Aradia tried to speak to you about it. You think that's the attempt that upsets you the most. She tells you that this isn’t good for you, that you need to eat, that you’re gonna have health problems if you don’t. Then, the words ‘eating disorder’ leave her mouth, and it’s like you’re frozen in place.</p><p>You don’t have an eating disorder, nonononono. That’s for skinny white girls in the rom-coms you watch with Karkat who are for some reason always brunettes. You try to correct her, but she refuses to listen to you. God, why won’t anybody listen to what you have to say? Your word matters more than theirs when it comes to your health, doesn’t it? Why doesn’t anyone just take the time to hear what you have to say?</p><p>Aradia tells you that she can’t bear to watch you destroy yourself like this, that you might die. She’s just trying to scare you. You know she is. You hate it. You hate that nobody cares what you wanna say about it. It’s like your opinion doesn’t even matter to them.</p><p>You finally snap back. You hate that it has to be at Aradia, but you have to stand up for yourself. You tell her that she needs to mind her own business, and that when it comes to your health, your word matters most. She blinks at you a few times, before nodding and walking off.</p><p>You feel guilty. You could see the hurt in her eyes, you think. It’s hard to tell when she doesn’t have pupils. But now you feel like absolute shit, because you just snapped at one of your closest friends.</p><p>You love her, platonically, but she has to know when to draw the line. Everyone does. She overstepped boundaries, you tell yourself. Yeah. She overstepped boundaries. Of course she did.</p><p>Of course.</p><p>Karkat tries to talk to you again, and now you’re just pissed. He goes on and on about how this could kill you, that people are worried, that he’s worried. He tells you that even Eridan is worried, and that’s saying something, he says. But that just makes you angrier. He asks you why you’re doing this, and you dodge the question like it’s a bullet. You snap at him, too. You tell him it’s none of his business, and you tell him that he doesn’t even care about you, so he shouldn’t be worried.</p><p>He pauses, and he looks at you, mouth agape, his fangs on display. Black pupils stare into your tacky blue and red shades, and this time you can actually see, and fully know, that he’s hurt. That he’s offended. But, you’re even more offended. ‘SOLLUX,’ he starts talking, but you cut him off. ‘fuck off, kk.’ And now he looks even more hurt. But he does so. He leaves you alone.</p><p>Nobody has talked to you since then, and it’s been 2 weeks, and now you’re laying in your hive, and thinking about it all. You’re upset. Of course you are.</p><p>Nobody cares about you, you tell yourself.</p><p>Not Kanaya. Not Mituna. Not Karkat. Not Aradia.</p><p>Not a singular person cares about you.</p><p>You should lose more weight so they can at least try to.</p>
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